When we read fairy tales, we are taught that love will fix all of our problems, including loneliness. Unfortunately, this is wishful thinking. Reality doesn't work that way. It's common for people to feel lonely or unloved in a romantic relationship. Even the most loving couple go through this period of sadness and loneliness at least once in the course of their relationship.
Feeling unwanted in a relationship is heart-wrenching. It can leave you wondering what you did wrong and stress you out. If you're going through something like this, we are here to help. Read on to find out why this may be happening and how you can cope with it.
Reasons Why You Might Feel Unwanted
While you might feel miserable and unwanted by your partner, don't be so quick to assume your relationship is doomed. There can be a variety of reasons why this may be happening and some are actually easy to fix. So, why do you feel unwanted in your relationship?
1. The honeymoon period is over
The beginning of a new relationship is usually exhilarating and passionate. But after the honeymoon period has passed, it's not uncommon for someone to feel unwanted by a boyfriend or girlfriend. You must realize that no relationship can feel new and exciting forever. The honeymoon period usually ends within a couple of months into the relationship.
2. Your expectations are too high
It's also possible that your partner actually loves you, but you just expect too much from them. You might have been expecting a fairytale-like romance, so when the reality doesn't match your expectations, you start feeling unwanted by your partner. Start reassessing your expectations and remember, your partner is only human.
3. You compare your relationship to others
Do you often scroll through social media and look at other couples? If so, you may have been comparing your relationship to other people's relationship without realizing it. Couples on social media often seem perfect, so it's easy to find flaws in your own relationship.
4. You don't spend enough time together
Spending time together is crucial in building a healthy and happy relationship. So, if you and your partner have been too busy with work and other things lately, it's easy to feel lonely and unwanted. When romantic partners stop hanging out with each other, it can cause a lot of emotional pain.
5. Lack of intimacy
Sex and intimacy are a big part of a healthy relationship. Do you feel like your partner has been showing less interest in you? Do they avoid and reject moments of intimacy for no reason? If so, then your loneliness may stem from this issue.
6. Poor communication
Good communication is the key to a successful relationship. If you can't communicate well with each other, it can cause arguments and misunderstandings to arise. After a while, this can lead to resentment and loneliness on both sides.
What to Do
So, now you may have been able to pinpoint the reason why you feel unwanted by your partner. But how can you deal with it? Here are some things you can do to cope with the situation and potentially fix it.
1. Acknowledge the problem
When you start feeling unwanted in a relationship, you may want to deny the problem and pretend everything is fine. However, doing so will only hurt you more. Instead, you should acknowledge that there is a problem in your relationship. This is by far the most important step, yet the hardest one to do. Once you've overcome this hurdle, you may be able to fix things up.
2. Express your concerns
After you've acknowledged the problem, don't bottle up your feelings. Express your concerns with your partner. Have a moment to talk together and tell them how you feel. Tell your partner some specific instances where they made you feel unwanted to help them understand the problem. Be as clear and calm as you can. Also, be sure to listen to their side of the story as well.
3. Try to spend more time together
Planning dates can benefit couples greatly. Spending quality time together is a great way to bring the spark together into your relationship. No matter how busy you two maybe, make an effort to spend at least an hour or two each day just relaxing and talking to each other. It can be something as simple as sitting down to have dinner together or even something romantic, such as having a picnic at the park.
4. Learn each other's love language
There are five love languages, which are ways people express their love: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Everyone has a different love language. There's a possibility that yours may be different from your partner's, and that may be the reason why you feel unable to connect deeper with them. Learning and understanding each other's love language might help you realize that your partner actually loves you, but they just have a different way of expressing their feelings towards you.
5. Put yourself in your partner's shoes
Pay attention to your partner's situation. Have they been going through something traumatic or stressful? If so, then try to empathize with them. It can be easy to resent your partner when you feel like they've been ignoring you, but try not to. They may be struggling with work or other problems that they cannot focus on their relationship with you. Be sure to support them when they need it. Soon, they may even recover from the situation and the love in your relationship might bloom once more.
6. Seek professional help
If the problem seems too hard to overcome on your own, there's nothing wrong with seeking professional help. Consider going to a relationship counselor together. The counselor might be able to give you a different perspective and help both of you reignite the passion in your relationship.
Takeaway Message
Feeling unwanted in a relationship is emotionally exhausting. The sooner you acknowledge the problem and try to fix it, the better it is for both you and your partner. Every couple is unique. The main key here is to communicate with your partner. Do not hold your feelings inside, it will only drain you out. Instead, voice your concerns to your partner and work to find a solution together. We wish you the best of luck.