When things get hard in a relationship, it's easy to jump to the conclusion that a breakup is the only way to solve the problems. After breaking up with your partner you will almost certainly feel sad, lonely or like you've just failed at something. If you were the one broken up with, you'll definitely feel rejected and heartbroken.
These emotions are horrible to go through, especially if you don't think that your relationship should have ended. Sometimes it is the right decision, while sometimes it isn't. If you believe that your breakup was a mistake, or if you're the one who made a mistake and want your partner back, it can be hard to know what to do.
We have put together a list of tips on how to get your ex back. Depending on the circumstances of your breakup, consider the advice provided below to help you and your ex make the choice that's best for both of you.
1. No Contact
Once both of you accept that you should put an end to your commitment, you really should give yourselves plenty of space. Do not contact your ex straight away. Leave time for the dust of hurt emotions to settle. Reflect on the issues that caused the breakup.
The time you take to live without each other will give you some clarity on the real state of your relationship. If it's possible your partner will want to get back with you, the time away from each other will give them the opportunity to miss you and realize that they do want to work things out with you.
2. Assess If the Issues in Your Relationship Are Solvable
As much as you might miss your ex and regret what happened between you, it's a possibility that the issue that caused your relationship to end doesn't have a realistic resolution. If the breakup was because of a conflict that cannot be compromised on, such as whether you get married or have children, there's nothing you can do to get what both of you want.
If the breakup was a result of betrayal (or something similar), forgiveness might be difficult but still possible with time. If this is the case, then counseling to help with forgiveness might do the trick to get your loved one back in your life.
3. Work on Yourself
Many breakups happen simply because one half of the couple has personal issues that they bring into the relationship. Your ex might have cared deeply for you but coping with the side effects of whatever negative things you've been through can be torturous to them.
Take this breakup as an opportunity to work on yourself. Admit to yourself and face the truth of how your behavior affected your ex. Try to learn the causes of it and seek out how to overcome the pain that's caused you to hurt the person you love. In time, once they understand that you have made efforts to work on yourself, you just might be able to get your ex back.
4. Spend Time With Other People
We can't see the forest for the trees - when you are still in a situation, you can't really see clearly what's going on. Putting yourself out there and spending time with other people may help you have the distance to gain a better perspective on your relationship. Being around other people might make your habits clearer to you because they will react to your behaviors in different ways.
Were you too clingy with your partner? Calling your boyfriend all the time or constantly finding ways to get his attention can be exhausting. It's also a huge turnoff and can ultimately contribute to the demise of a relationship.
If you transfer this behavior to your family or friends, they'll probably point this out to you. On the other hand, if you are aloof or self-centered and this is the trait that caused your partner to end things, then spending time with other people might make you realize this, too.
Making the effort to be around other people might give you the insight you need to make you become a better person and partner, and to help you win your ex back.
5. Get Back With Yourself First
Many women (and some guys, too) get lost in their relationship. We become caught up with doing all the things that will make our other half happy. We focus so much on becoming the version of ourselves that we think our partner wants that we forget what it is that we want.
When we do this, we become a shell of our real selves, losing the spark and energy that attracted your beloved when you first met. This might have contributed to the issues that caused the relationship to fail in the end.
Before learning how to get your ex back, aim to get back to yourself. What were the things you gave up to please your partner? Do those things and anything else that will give you the vitality, happiness, and glow that will attract the attention of your ex or any other guy, for that matter!
6. Make the Change You Want to See in Your Life
The problem with breakups is that it's usually a lot of little things that finally make you take the hard decision to call it quits. Unless the breakup was straightforward and sudden because someone cheated, most people are able to tolerate quite a bit before they call everything off. The little things that build up to a big problem are what you can focus on changing, if it's within your power.
For example, if you wanted to do more things together, start taking them up yourself, whether it's salsa classes or therapy. When he comes into your life, he'll see that you are doing all these things on your own, and he might be more willing to join you. This way, even if you never end up getting back with your ex, you'll be able to find some happiness without them.
7. Go on a Few Dates
So you and your ex have separated for about a month. You haven't seen them or spoken to them. You've spent time reevaluating the dynamic of your relationship, and you have spent time focusing on and improving yourself. Now the agreed date for your break is here. What do you do? You begin with a few dates.
Speak a little about how you now feel and listen a lot to how they now feel. It will be pretty clear whether you are still compatible and want the same things. By the third date, you will most certainly know if you want to get back together and make things work.
8. Get on With Your Life and Look Amazing Doing It
The changes you make in your life should be permanent and in your best interest. Some relationship experts believe that after a breakup, your goal should not just be how to win your ex back, because winning them back suggests that you've just done whatever it took to get them to change their mind.
Make the changes that will improve your life in the healthiest way possible. Read some self-help books, sign up at the gym or take up a physically active hobby that will get your body and your mind in good condition. Looking great and feeling great is just the energy you need to help you put out the right vibe when you're ready to speak to your ex about getting back together.
Although some breakups are for good reason, relationships that can be saved should at least get a second chance at making things work. As much as breakups are hard, living with years of regret can be much harder. If you have read the advice given above and feel that your relationship is worth another try, then you should go for it.
But this time, do whatever it takes to make it better than it was before. If you have done the work to improve on yourself and your ex still doesn't take you back, the effort you made to improve yourself will still help you in the future when you finally find the guy that is right for you.