Could everybody just make up their minds already and come up with a first date kissing rule? They all seem to have a different opinion, although we often hear things like "you're easy if you kiss on the first date" or "it's okay to kiss if you already know him".
You definitely don't want to send the wrong message to your date, but kissing or no kissing might still be a dilemma for you. That's why I've asked 8 men aged between the ages of 20 and 33 what they think about it. Finding out what goes through their minds should be helpful enough for you to decide, together with a short list of pros and cons.
A Peck, Kiss, or Smooch - What Is It Going to Be?
When you don't rely on your instinct entirely, your mind starts to come up with annoying questions and uncertainties about yourself. Is he into you? Does he know you're into him? How can you show him? Is it with the help of a kiss or should you just pace yourself? There are way too many questions left unanswered. So, let's see what men think about it.
8 Men Share Their Opinions on First Date Kissing
1. "It's a hasty gesture... we do it to feel more alive."
"I think a kiss on the first date is a hasty gesture. Sometimes, it's based on hormonal imbalances, while other times it's simply a shout for attention. Before we initiate a kiss, we should ask ourselves this: 'What's the purpose of this action, and where do we want it to take us?." Sometimes we are really into kissing the other person, or we're doing it because we feel the need to be touched. Other times, we do it just to give life meaning, to make things more exciting, and to feel more alive." - Sergiu, 29.
2. "You take what's given when you don't know what you want."
"People, in general, have the tendency to rush things. We're too anxious, and we don't know what we really want. Kissing on the first date is definitely not coming from the bottom of your heart. It's what we call validation. It's our ego that we need to feed. How else can we do that if not through other people? You only take what's given to you when you don't know what you really want." - S.O., 30.
3. "It could be dreamy… like a kiss from a sappy movie."
"I tried it a few times. Sadly, my attempts weren't successful because my dates were not as enthusiastic as I was. Therefore, we were not feeling the same vibe. However, if you feel some sexual and emotional tension building up, then go for it. It could be a dreamy kiss like those from a good, sappy movie." - Alex, 30.
4. "I do what I feel, say what I feel, and I won't lie."
"I normally do what I feel, say what I feel, and I won't lie - even if all these things make me look like an idiot or an odd person. It's a risk that I take, displaying my real feelings, especially on the first date. I think that in our most hidden dreams, we all wish for a kiss that awakens the butterflies in our stomach, just like when we were 15 and went on our first date." - Loan, 30.
5. "The more spontaneous it is, the better."
"A kiss on the first date can be okay unless you raise your expectations. It is alright if you don't plan it and she doesn't either. It's like having sex; the more spontaneous it is, the better. Of course, this is not a golden rule, but you at least know whether she is a good kisser or not." - Mihai, 29.
6. "It happens randomly, just like winning the lottery."
"If kissing that girl is all you have in mind, even before your date, and she is far from getting in line with your desires, then your date can turn into an awkward one. Some think of it as essential, while others don't. However, some girls wait for the guy to make the first move. So, it's up to us guys to touch them, tease them, and provoke them until they reciprocate. Or, it simply happens randomly, just like winning the lottery." - Rares, 20.
7. "It's a sign of hastiness, impatience, and insecurity."
"From my point of view, a kiss on the first date is a sign of hastiness, impatience, and insecurity on the part of the initiator. You have to stay calm and wait for the right moment. First of all, focus on getting to know your date, and make sure you understand her enough in order to take this step. Be like the hungry lion who throws itself on the antelope at the right time." - Horatiu, 25.
8. "I like to follow my instinct."
"With all those dating rules floating around, there's no safe answer. I think you have to choose what you believe first. I like to follow my instinct. I don't think about what follows too much, because I get stuck at that thought." - Daniel, 33.
The Best Time to Go for the First Kiss
Arguments in Favor of Kissing on the First Date
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You find out if he is a good kisser. There are so many testimonials online of women who have experienced bad kissers! They ended up with slobber all over their faces or had their lips sucked way too hard. I don't mean to be discouraging, but knowing definitely helps save some time and other valuable resources.
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You get a clue about your physical compatibility. Kissing is the first clue when it comes to chemistry. It's not just about the touch, but also about the taste and smell. It's a mix of senses that can be a great match or a not-so-great match. Pheromones work in mysterious ways.
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It's a way to show your interest. When they have a good time with a guy, many women want to make sure he gets their signals. So, most of them jump to kissing, because that's an obvious move that hardly leaves room for interpretation. Would you do the same or use other ways to show him that you like him?
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He reveals part of his intentions. When a man uses his tongue during the first kiss and becomes handsy, he probably has only one thing in mind. Beware of men who over-sexualize your first kiss. Conversely, if his kiss is respectful and sensual, then you both get a sense of what's to come.
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A kiss is a way to learn about his hygiene. No one wants to talk about this, but some dudes just have bad breath, and they don't do anything about it. You must ask yourself if you are willing to put up with it, or if you're going to give him hints about it in the future.
Arguments Against Kissing on the First Date
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You don't know this guy. If a guy kisses you on the first date, what does it mean? Is he ready to get in your pants or he is only willing to show his romantic interest for you? Although kissing him could tell you many things about him and his intentions, if you don't feel comfortable kissing a stranger, just don't. You don't have to prove anything to anyone.
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Kissing him might make you seem impulsive. The opinions of multiple men about first date kissing should make you think. If they find the patience to take you out on a second date and stop their animalistic urges, maybe you should too.
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It's possible to send the wrong signals. Kissing on the first date means interest. The type of interest, however, is questionable. You might lead him to believe you're up for more than kissing when this is, in fact, not true. This could lead to you getting offended by his approaches.
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Your indecisiveness might create expectations. Don't lead a guy on if you don't know what you want. Just put yourself in his shoes. Maybe he really likes you, and you get his hopes up by kissing him without passion, curiosity, or emotion. That must be disappointing.
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You could make him feel threatened by your assertiveness. In the case that you are very confident and you initiate the kiss, you might take your date by surprise. He may not know where he stands when it comes to assertive women. In other words, he could feel intimidated and unable to hide it, because he didn't expect the kiss.
Ultimately, It Is up to You
Now that you know what a few men think about first date kissing, as well as what's generally considered to be in your favor or to your disadvantage, you can decide where you stand on your own. Has your opinion changed, or is it now more contoured than ever? When you set your intentions and possibly boundaries, things tend to become simpler, don't you think?