"It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages." ‒ Friedrich Nietzsche.
Relationships don't come on a standstill or fall apart because both partners stop loving each other. They fall apart because there is a lack of communication and trust. Of course, there are other factors involved and mistakes on both sides but it doesn't have to be the end. There can be a second chance and you might learn from past mistakes and try to make things right this time. You can start over when you and your partner agree to give this relationship another chance. Talk to each other and learn how to start over in a relationship whether you are married, in a long-term relationship, or simply dating. This article will help you out in starting over in a relationship.
How to Start Over in Your Relationship
Starting over isn't easy but we've got your back. Here are a few things you can do to understand what went wrong and how to make it better this time.
1. Identify what you value about the relationship
Starting over means that you want to make a fresh start and leave all the negative things behind. The question is- how to start over a relationship. Before you start to make amends, look back on your experiences and identify what you value about the relationship. Was it his adventure-loving nature that attracted you to him or was it your humor that brought you two together? But these things were forgotten when you fell into the trap of the routine and stress from work. Look back and see what can be the binding factor for this relationship. How can you make time for each other instead of repeating the same mistakes? Reflect deeper and talk to your partner about the good memories and things that make this relationship special.
2. Understand what went wrong
After you have thought about the good parts of your relationship, try to figure out where things went wrong. Think about why the misunderstandings occurred. Either it was because you didn't spend time together or you started arguing more frequently over little things. Whatever the case might be, talking to a marriage counselor will help you and your partner to understand the root cause of the mistakes you both made. It will also help in clearing up a lot of misunderstandings and grudges you held in your heart without fighting.
3. Get support from mutual friends
Involving family members may not be a good idea since they might take sides and it may exacerbate the situation. Instead, try asking any mutual friends you trust to support you and your partner during this patch up. They can give you moral and emotional support or actively talk to both of you when you need someone to clear the misunderstandings. Make sure that you take help from friends who are close to you and your partner and they don't take sides. Having someone by your side when you are feeling down can make you feel better and help you understand how to start over in a relationship.
4. Acknowledge the changes
When you go through life experiences, you change with time. Maybe you were spontaneous and straightforward when you started dating but your experiences shape your personality. So, your outlook on life and relationships changes with time. Accepting that you and your partner were different the first time around will help you in understanding the nuances of starting over. Take each other's maturity and change in a positive way. Get to know each other once again.
5. Freshen up your relationship
As you are beginning to make a fresh start, freshen up your relationship by making new plans or going somewhere together. Take it as your honeymoon period and try to rekindle the romance that was lost somewhere along the way. It can be simply taking the weekend off to dine out together or going to a picnic. Try to incorporate different activities in your life on a weekly or at least monthly basis. It will help you and your partner to come closer and understand each other in a much better way.
6. Let go of any hard feelings
The most difficult thing to do is to let go of your anger and resentment when you want to start over in a relationship. It will create difficulties for both you and your partner. Let go of all the negative feelings you have. Only then you can succeed in having a good relationship.
7. Respect and kindness
Treating your partner with respect and kindness will help you in building a stronger foundation for this relationship. Usually, we forget that the person we love deserves our kindness even when things go wrong. So, the next time you have an argument, be the first one to let go of your ego and reach out to make things better. It doesn't mean that you don't have your self-respect. It simply means that being kind to each other will strengthen your relationship and you will not have to struggle like you did the first time.
8. Don't ignore the red flags
While you have taken an important decision to start over in this relationship, don't ignore the red flags when you are trying your best. If you ignore things like lying or making excuses to stay away from you, you need to think over your decision. Is it just you trying to make amends? If your partner has gone back to the same old habits and routine that affected the relationship badly, think about getting out for good.
Focus on Each Other
Many relationships suffer due to a lack of communication and friendship. You may need a break for a while to figure out what you want to do. If you and your partner decide to get back together, try to let go of hard feelings. Understand what went wrong and learn from those mistakes. Make a fresh start and come closer to each other in different ways. Focus on each other and be friends first. Chances are that you'll have an amazing relationship this time.