Love is a beautiful thing, yet some people are afraid of being in love. Fear of love shows itself in various stages of a relationship, and you might find yourself developing a protective shield from getting hurt. You might shield yourself from emotional pain due to past experiences, fear of the unknown, or tragic childhood memories. These can make you afraid of love thus resulting in you putting up a shield from the love of your life. This article will discuss what causes fear of love and how to overcome the same in details.
Major Reasons Why Some People Fear Love
There are many reasons why some people are afraid to fall in love. Some of them are as follows:
1. We doubt ourselves
Some people are afraid of love because they feel they are not worth their partner's love. This may be due to a past relationship or a troubled childhood. One party to the relationship might refuse to accept the love offered by the other party, and may react by acting repulsively and refusing to accept any appreciation of the love on offer. You might act defensive, or decide to prove them wrong on everything they do so they won't claim to love you.
2. Love brings real pain
When a person is in love, they experience the true happiness of life and joy of living, but at the same time, love brings sadness and disappointment at times. Some people are scared of being in love: they think something disappointing might happen that will destroy their happiness and turn it into a cloud of loneliness, sadness, and pain. Owing to that, when it comes to love, there might be a reluctance to get into a relationship for fear of pain and disappointment.
3. Love stirs up existential fears
There is always some fear that keeps you from falling in love even if you are trying to start a serious relationship. The more you build a solid love foundation with that person, the more you are afraid of losing him/her. You might fear being apart, or be worried about disagreements, fights, and other concerns that may end your relationship. Whatever the case, you feel safer being single.
4. Fear of social disruption
Some people are afraid of what their friends and family might say about their relationship. Getting close to your partner distances you from your family and friends. Although sometimes family or friends' opinions matter, other times their opinion may change or cloud your personal decision. This can be very depressing if you are close to your family or friends.
5. Love is often unequal
One of the major reasons why relationships break is because there is an imbalance of love between the two partners. You might find yourself loving your partner too much and at the same time doubting if they reciprocate the love. You may end up not feeling satisfied, or feel irritation and even hate towards the person you love. Allowing fear of love to get in between you and the person you love will hinder you from being happy and forming a long-lasting relationship.
6. New love stirs up past hurts
Perhaps the fear of love happens when people recollect the past; maybe from a disturbed childhood, lousy past love experiences, or failed relationships that tend to blind them to the future. They worry about falling in love because they are afraid it will trigger past hurts, rejection, anger or they are frightened that they will be heartbroken again. When this happens, they get scared to start all over again.
How to Overcome the Fear of Love
Do you want to love again? Several things can help you overcome the fear of love, such as:
Face your past
Are you trying to get into a new relationship and yet you are afraid of love? Fear not. One way to conquer this is to look at your past relationship and get to know and understand what went wrong. You might be the reason why that relationship ended or a contributing factor. All in all, you should find peace with your past so that you can learn how to love again.
Challenge your negative thoughts
Negative thoughts that run through your mind not only make your life miserable but also your relationship. It is better to refrain from negative thoughts about yourself, what surrounds you, your relationship, or your partner. Negative thoughts can destroy your self-esteem, self-acceptance, and self-image. When a negative thought crosses your mind, you need to stop that thought or change it to a positive one.
Allow yourself to be vulnerable
Some people are afraid of being vulnerable, and others are not. Being open to vulnerability may perhaps be the answer to being comfortable to love and being loved. It means you can overcome the fear of love if you act on what you feel rather than living in fear of being vulnerable.
Learn to trust
Learn to trust again. Trust is the foundation of any relationship. If you can't trust your partner, then that relationship isn't meant for you two.
Give them a chance
If you have been disappointed once, twice or more, it doesn't mean the next will disappoint too. If they like you, give them a chance to prove you wrong. Not every man or woman is the same - people will react differently depending on circumstances, and this time, the other party might not disappoint you in the way you have become accustomed to.
Take Home Message
We are human beings, and most of us have emotional scars that need to be healed. Love scars can make you scared of love. You should not be afraid of love or being loved but work on making changes and dealing with it. If necessary, you can ask a counselor for advice.