It gets very frustrating when the guy you are dating cannot commit. You have a great time together, you are happy and it can be so much more if only he takes the leap and considers a serious relationship with you. Is he a commitment-phobe or is he just not that into you? This article might help you learn why.
Why He Won't Commit
A commitment-phobe is a person who is afraid to make a decision and stick to it. It doesn't necessarily have to be relationships, it could be difficulties in making long term or important decisions. It is this fear that prevents him from jumping in 100%. It is this fear that has kept you up most nights trying to figure out why won't he commit. On the other hand, his reluctance in going into an exclusive relationship with you might be simpler than you thought.
Below is a list of the most common reasons why the guy you like doesn't want to take the next step with you.
1. He's still not over his ex
This is a very straight forward reason why he doesn't want to commit to you. If a man is still in love with his ex-girlfriend it will be hard for him to fall in love with someone else. If he insists that he's not in love with his ex, in fact, he hates her guts -then it could be that the pain of the past relationship made him unconsciously not interested in getting into another one.
2. Past love experience
Similarly, if your guy's past experience in a real relationship was a negative one, you can understand why he won't be keen to dive into a new one. These are some of the things that cause commitment phobia. It's not that he doesn't like you enough to want to commit, he just can't help but feel that, although things between you are great now, he might believe that all relationships are that way and the experience with you will be the same.
3. He's afraid of the responsibility
Most guys know that being a boyfriend or husband is a big role in a girl's life. If you are quite an emotionally needy person, a man might be afraid that he will become your only source of attention and affection. This will be a big responsibility for him, as many guys are not able to cope with dealing with women's emotions.
4. Financial problems
When a man won't commit to a relationship, it could be because he doesn't think that he can live up to the financial expectations that the relationship might demand. If he is a student or at the beginning of his career, he won't have much money to support himself, let alone to pay for anyone else. He may believe that having you as his girlfriend or wife will be very expensive and he's afraid he won't be able to promise you a productive life and keep you happy.
5. Pressure
If you have been putting pressure on him to ask you to be his girlfriend or to pop the question, it's easy to understand why he won't commit. Romantic relationships are (at first) a thing of passion and desire. A guy has to feel that you are the woman he wants to commit to, but if you are making him feel pushed into choosing to be with you, he won't feel the desire or the passion. You cannot demand or force a commitment, passion or desire, they have to come naturally and they have to come from him - not you.
6. He's not into you
If you have been on a few dates or have been seeing each other for some time now, but in different ways, let's you know he doesn't want to commit - it is probably because he's just not that into you.
This is the last thing a girl wants to hear from a guy and most guys know this, so they'll never likely say it outright to you, but they will give you signs. This can be misleading to girls because we believe that the little interest a guy shows us means that there is potential for a committed relationship. However, guys don't think that way. He might enjoy your company but not enough to want you to be his girlfriend or wife, so he never pushes for anything more from you and shy away from your attempts to make things official.
7. Sex
Sex is a big reason why a man might not want to commit to a woman. It could be because sex is bad. Maybe you are not compatible in bed, you don't like the same things or he feels that you don't like it and it ruins the experience for him. Or it might be that there is no sex. If you do not wish to have sex before marriage and he knows he's not ready for marriage, then it doesn't make sense for him to commit himself to you until he is ready.
8. Culture
You've been with your guy for quite a while now yet you're finding yourself wondering why won't he commit. He clearly loves you and keeps coming back after fights about him not committing to you. This might be because of the culture of the society you are in or the culture he is from. Depending on where you live, commitment can be perceived in many ways. In some parts of the world, young people just don't get into serious relationships or even marriage. It will be very difficult for your guy to go against the grain and choose to live his life differently from how society dictates it.
Does your guy come from a strict cultural background that has rules about who they can date or marry? If so, this will be the reason why he won't commit to you. His family may never accept a girl from a culture that is not the same as theirs. Therefore, a committed relationship can never happen - even if he cares deeply for you.
9. He's happy with how things are
It's not so much that he has a fear of commitment, he's just happier being free of commitment. It could be considered a trait of a mindfully present person who is content with their current lifestyle and doesn't feel any reason to change it - unless they have the right inspiration.
10. He's a womanizer
When a man won't commit to one woman, even if he's the easiest to get along with, charming and caring man - it usually means that he is that way with all women all the time! He is well-practiced in making women fall in love with him, they are good at it and they won't give it up without a fight. This guy loves women and cannot see himself only being allowed to enjoy one at a time.
What to Do If He Won't Commit to You
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If you find yourself wanting a relationship with a man that has given you any of the reasons above or shown you any of the behaviors here, then it is fair to say that he is definitely avoiding tying himself to you.
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If the guy you want, still wants his ex there's not much you can do. If he's heartbroken or hurt from past experiences, then patience and friendship may get him to forget about her and see that it's you he should be with.
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If you suspect that the guy you care for is afraid of the responsibility of a relationship, financial or otherwise, then reassure him that you are an independent person who would never wish to be a burden to anyone.
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If you are putting pressure on him, then it's highly likely that you are killing the romance and desire in your relationship even before it begins. Understand that a man would not be excited to settle down in this way.
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If there are signs that he's just not into you then it's time to be honest with yourself. Forcing a relationship on someone who doesn't want it, only ends in tears!
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If you think that your sex life is a problem for him, then it probably is. No one wants to be committed to a problem. So it's a question of whether you are willing to change your behavior in bed or your beliefs about sex before marriage in order to get him to commit to you. However, this is not a decision that you want to make just to keep a partner. You should be able to stay true to your principles.
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Cultural issues being the reason a man doesn't want to commit is a sensitive thing and should be handled with patience. Understand that you might be asking him to turn his back on his family to be with you.
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If he makes it clear that he is happy with the way his life is and the status of your relationship, then just continue to enjoy it too. Until you want more and are ready to move on to someone who wants the same.
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If the guy you want is a charmer or a ladies man then you should keep in mind that he's probably not going to change who he is, it might not even be possible for him to change his ways at all.
Going into a committed relationship is something that takes some wisdom and maturity. If you the guy you care about is reluctant to take the plunge but you still feel that it's worth fighting for, then patience and understanding are your best weapons. Otherwise, be very honest with yourself and find the strength to wait for the man that would consider himself lucky to be committed to you!