You might have strong feelings for the person in your life, but is it true love or something else? It's easy to assume your feeling is love; however, there are other things that could be happening. The emotions you're experiencing could be lust, infatuation, or just plain attachment. It's important to identify the difference as it can predict the outcome of your relationship.
Lust and infatuation are more so feeling like a crush. You probably don't know the person very well but you are deeply attracted to what you can see. The feeling of attachment can be almost as intense as being in love. But when you look closer, you'll realize that attachment is self-serving, so it cannot possibly be love. True love is giving, while attachments focus on taking.
Read on to learn the difference between attachment and love.
Attachment Is Selfish While Love Is Selfless
If the main reason you are with your partner is that they give you what you need without you needing to give them anything back, then it's likely that you are simply emotionally attached to the person as opposed to feeling genuine love for them.
Whether it's attention, comfort, or financial support, if your relationship is a one-way street, it's inevitable that you will soon run into conflicts as the other person feels uncared for and used.
Real love wants to give, it wants to prove itself by demonstrating acts of generosity of time, desires, and selflessness.
Attachment Cannot Compromise
A couple who truly love each other will find it easy to compromise over the trivial issues that they do not initially agree on. If you and your significant other are unable to negotiate a middle ground because one of you insists on having things their way, then you are in a relationship based on attachment, not love.
Someone who is really in love wants their lover to be happy too and is prepared to give up on doing things their own way to see the other person heard and satisfied.
Shallow Feelings vs. Deep Feelings
Although attachment and love can seem similar, the attachment will eventually become apparent. When feelings are shallow, it's easy to abandon loving behavior.
One way to tell is in the way couples argue. They may be quick to anger and can easily say and do spiteful things, while deep feelings for each other will keep you from getting furious. No matter what they've done, you won't say hateful things.
Attachment Is Controlling While Love Is Freeing
Real love in a relationship means that both parties give each other space and support to chase after their dreams, spend time with friends and family, or simply take time for themselves to do the things they enjoy.
Attachment means that the attached person will become controlling, jealous, or emotional whenever their partner attempts to do anything without them. This doesn't mean that people in love are happy to be without their beloved.
They love them enough to let them go for a while so that they can do what they want, despite their own desire. People struggling with attachment issues cannot do this.
Love Encourages Growth While Attachment Is Stifling
If your partner really loves you, they will encourage you to grow by taking the next step in life. An example is a boyfriend encouraging his girlfriend to take driving lessons so she no longer has to stand at train stations or wait at bus stops at night.
A guy who is attached to her rather than in love with her will not encourage this kind of growth. They would be more concerned about their girlfriend being out all the time and going wherever she wants with her newfound freedom.
This kind of stifling behavior is a clear example of the differences between attachment and love.
Attachment Wants to Change You While Love Is Accepting
Someone in true love is accepting of our differences and overlooks our flaws. When you truly love someone, you will choose to do so in spite of the little annoying things they do.
Attachment is more critical. Those who are attached believe that their partner should look and act in particular ways, and anything that goes against this belief will be rejected by them.
Real love doesn't care how others perceive their partner. They love them, and that's all that matters.
Attachment Can Be Fleeting but Love Lasts Forever
If you can fall out of love with someone, then you probably never loved them in the first place. Whether or not you agree with this statement, the fact is that if you have loved someone, you will always love them, even if you are no longer together.
Love can definitely turn into hate, which is an equally passionate emotion, but love can never turn into indifference. Attachment can. It is common for people who were simply attached to each other to break up and move on.
Attachment versus love breakup ends with the attached person not thinking much about their ex, other than them being a kind of phase they went through.
Attachment Is Hard and Love Is Easy
Many people in hard relationships would consider if they have ever really been in love. Issues are bound to constantly arise in relationships. There will be constant power struggles, manipulations, and control tactics that will make the relationship hard to bear, regardless of the amount they might want to be together.
Pure, deep, and sincere love will be able to navigate the course of life more easily because of the selflessness, willingness to compromise, acceptance, and the other elements of real love described above.
This is not to say that couples who share true love won't ever face their own hardships, because they definitely will. However, how they respond to it will prove its love is true over and over again.
Now that you understand the difference between attachment and love, if you believe that you might be attached to your partner or they're attached to you, you can try to talk to them about it. It will offer an explanation of why you are struggling to maintain a healthy relationship.
Then you can make an informed decision in order to achieve the loving relationship you want. Or you could decide to leave and focus on improving yourself in the hopes of finding real love that will last forever.