One of the hardest things in life is finding the words to tell a girl you like her.
It's nerve racking enough to show your feelings and risk rejection, even without the right words to win her over! What's the right thing to say to the girl you like?
After all, what you say to her could be the difference between winning the girl of your dreams or watching her walk away. How well you do is up to you, but at least we can give you some good pointers on how to tell a girl you like her.
1. Spend time with her to learn more about her
Let's start here, because it's not as obvious as it seems.
First, make sure you like her. Liking a girl and liking how a girl looks are not the same thing. Of course, we're attracted to pretty girls, that's how physical attraction works. But if you want a real relationship, she'll need more than good looks once the honeymoon period has worn off.
Are you two compatible? Do you share the same hobbies or interests? Will you have things to do together? Do you share the same outlook on important things like beliefs, morals, or attitudes towards family and friends?
For a lasting relationship, you should be checking off most of these things or she's probably not the right girl for you.
Now she doesn't have to be perfect, but you still need a broad base of compatibilities for things to work out in the long term.
2. Ask her out
This is the first big leap – asking a girl out for the first time.
How you do this is crucial as she'll be reading a lot into what kind of person you are, based on your words and actions. You only get one chance at a first impression so make it count.
Asking a girl out for the first time is a balancing act between confidence and humility. On the one hand, girls like confident guys. If you feel confident it can actually make them feel confident, too. But on the other hand, some humility is also in order. Don't appear too full of yourself. Big egos can be a big turn off.
Some tips on how to ask her out:
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Call her. This is a great idea if you're nervous about asking a girl out. It's easy, straightforward, and saves you from the embarrassment of possible face-to-face rejection.
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Send her a note. Don't text her! Texting is lazy and she might not like your perceived lack of effort. But taking the extra step of hand-writing a note will make it seem special. And again, if you're shy, this is a great way of not having to ask in person.
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Send her flowers. This is a classic for good reason - girls love flowers. If you can find out what her favorite flowers are, it'll be even more effective.
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Bring her a coffee. This is a great conversation starter. If she's having a hard day, a coffee pick-me-up is a great way to show you care. It's also a great way to break the ice and start chatting. That'll make it easier to ask her out later.
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Have a plan. If she says yes, have a plan for the date. Girls like a man who can make decisions and plan. "Whatever you want to do" might sound great to you, but girls rarely like that answer.
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Don't stress it. It's easy to get worked up over asking her out. But remember it's only a date, no more no less. It's okay if she says no. Don't let it become more than it is or you'll only get nervous and reduce your chances of getting her to say yes.
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Go for it. Sometimes the best plan is the simplest. Just ask her out. Be straightforward and relaxed and say you wanted to know if she'd like to go out with you. She'll appreciate the honesty and if you ask in a friendly manner it won't make things tense if she says no.
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Ask her out to do some volunteer work. This unconventional date is a winner for several reasons. It shows off your charitable side and gives you something to do without the pressure of being entertaining. And it also gives you a chance to bond over doing a project together, and talk about it after.
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Don't plan a boozy drinking date. A glass of wine over dinner is fine. But don't plan a date that centers around drinking. You're trying to make the best impression of yourself, and while alcohol might relax you, it won't make you more charming.
3. Find the right place to talk
Another important aspect of asking her out is finding the right place to do it.
Avoid the public and find a private place to share your feelings - if she'd like to go on a date. Find a time when there's no-one else around so she doesn't feel forced or embarrassed.
At the same time, there's such a thing as too secluded.
Remember, this girl probably doesn't know you that well. Make sure the place you pick doesn't make her feel isolated and alone. The idea is to find a place where she can focus on your words while not feeling vulnerable.
If you pick your place well, it'll increase your chances of success and also help her associate you with safety. That's something you'll want to foster if you want any kind of long term relationship with her.
4. Be casual
The last thing you want is for your overtures to appear like an ultimatum. So the first thing to establish is that it's fine if she says no to you. Otherwise, she might just say yes because you made her feel cornered. And when you go out she'll want the date to end asap and then avoid you afterward. Don't let that happen.
Instead, start the conversation in a casual friendly tone. Ask how she is and how her day was. Work up to telling her you like her, you think she's cool and would like to go out sometime. Give her plenty of ways to get out of the date and make her feel empowered to make the decision for herself. That way, if she says yes, you'll know she means it and has an interest in you too.
5. Avoid grandiose gestures
It looks great in a movie when the guy suddenly comes out in some big dramatic fashion to profess his love to a girl. In reality, this almost always ends in disaster. Don't try this.
Not only will you scare off the girl you like, but you may have a lot of public embarrassment to live down once the whole fiasco is over.
Remember, a girl needs a safe and non-embarrassing way to decline you if she doesn't want to go out with you. Putting her on the spot in front of a crowd is the exact opposite of that.
Likewise, big gestures can still be harmful even without a crowd involved. Don't do something like getting expensive concert tickets or dinner reservations. This is not how to tell a girl you want to date her.
Avoid anything that would make her feel beholden to say yes out of guilt, even when she didn't want to go out with you.
That's not to say a nice gesture isn't appreciated. But make it clear if you do, that a "date" is not expected. If you have to get those perfect concert tickets, tell her you'd be happy to share the experience with either a date or with a good friend – and she happens to be both.
6. Learn to compliment her
Girls, like us guys, love compliments. But there's an art to giving good compliments.
One thing you might not realize is girls don't always respond well to compliments about their looks. Sure, they like to feel pretty, but it is pretty easy to ogle a girl to death. They need to feel like there is something more than only sex appeal that draws you to them. After all, they're more than just a body and they need to know you're aware of that as well.
Find something about her - not her body - to compliment. Mention her quick wit or smarts. Girls love to hear they are smart and their words actually have value.
Have examples ready if she challenges you for "just saying that". If she's warm and loving, tell her that. Think of all the virtues she has unrelated to her looks and be ready to list them.
An extra tip: If you want to compliment how she looks, be specific. Mention something she did instead of what she was born with. For instance, compliment her clothes. After all, she wasn't born wearing that dress, she picked it. Your compliment not only makes her feel pretty but lets her know you think she has style and knows how to dress.
7. Be direct with your feelings
Sometimes the most effective approach is to tell a girl you can't stop thinking about her and would like to go out with her. Honesty will often take you much further than you think. And as long as you're not too forceful, she'll more than likely be flattered.
Again, it's important to give her an easy way to decline you and get out of the conversation. Don't make her feel like she has to reciprocate your feelings. How? Be direct and tell her so.
Tell her that you value her friendship and feelings. This lets her know you're not the kind of guy who'll pressure her into doing something she doesn't want to do.
More importantly, it lets her know you care about her friendship. And if you want to date her, you should care.
8. Be patient and don't pressure her
It's important to remember that, while you may have wanted to ask this girl out for a long time, this may all be very new to her. So she may need time to think of you as a potential date or future boyfriend. Not getting immediate yes is not the same as getting a no.
If you forget this or press for an immediate answer, you'll sabotage your chances. You're not looking confident by being impatient, you're looking pushy and demanding.
So be cool, be patient, and show her your respect for her wishes. Let her decide if she has feelings for you in her own time.
9. Plan a date that shows you know her
Girls want a man that "gets her".
Now you don't need to know everything about her before asking her out on a date. But a little homework here will go far. If her first love is opera or ballet, you shouldn't plan a date to a basketball game. There will be time to explore each other's interests in time, but for now, you should be focusing on her.
If you're unsure, ask one of her friends. Be honest and tell them you're interested in their friend and want to do something special for them for a first date. If you're sincere, they can be very helpful.
You'll also want a girl's friends on your side. Once the date is over, she'll talk about you to them. If they like you, that'll go a long way in her estimation of you.
10. Use your date to listen
You've managed to get to the first date with this girl. That's a great first step! Now you need to make sure your first date isn't your last. So when you go out, pay attention to her. Paying attention does not mean staring. That's ogling. Yes, she'll likely dress up for her date with you, but don't stare too much.
After a compliment or two on how lovely she looks, focus on her. You've got one day or evening with her sole attention focused on you. This is your opportunity to get to know her better, find out how well you get along, and learn more about her. Don't blow it.
Also, don't be too nervous and tongue-tied. If she has to lead the conversation all evening, you may come across as boring and she'll want the date to end. Remember, the more relaxed you are the better you'll come across.
You Miss 100% of the Balls You Don't Swing At
Don't obsess on how to tell a girl you like her or you might find yourself never talking to her in the first place.
Sometimes you have to take a risk if you want that happy ending.
Try to remember there is very little bad that can happen from asking. If she says no, you'll be right where you were before you asked her out. You have nothing to lose and only something to gain from trying.