Not spending enough time together in a relationship is often of the major grouses that couples squabble about. In our busy day-to-day lives, often you get so engrossed in your daily schedules that the relationship takes a back-seat. You end up communicating just the essentials.
But pay heed to the early warning signals. Don't let this continue for too long. If you find your partner increasingly spending less time with you, or your partner is complaining the same about you, it is time to start taking things in your hand and start a conversation. Talking things out is the easiest solution.
Top Signs to Tell That You Are Not Spending Enough Time Together in a Relationship
A grievance about not spending enough time together in a relationship is often a wake-up call for most going through a rough patch. It is often a case of not allocating your time adequately.
One of the most important steps in this phase is to hit the pause button, take a look at the situation and then work out a plan of action to resolve the whole process in an amicable manner and save the daily conflict that follows. Here are some signs that will tell you if you need to get into action mode.
1. Lack of joined activities
If you ask me, I realized that couples often go through a patchy phase, and don't spend time together anymore as much as they did earlier. This happened to me and I realized this when I was unable to list out a single activity that we did on weekends together over the past six months.
Given our busy schedules, we were increasingly cramming our weekends with "me" moments. As a result, the relationship started suffering. We were unable to express feelings and were becoming increasingly irritable in each other's presence. The lack of activity together also made us less tolerant of each other's inabilities, and there was this constant sense of blame slinging. The lack of activity can wear you out both physically and emotionally.
This is one of the most basic signals that will tell you that you have to hit the reset button in a relationship and calibrate equations all over again. It is never easy, and I can say this from my personal experience, but the fact is that this is also the point beyond which the deterioration in a relationship is significantly fast and painful in every possible way. The onus is, therefore, upon us what we want to do at this juncture.
2. Avoiding talking to each other
In fact, one of the direct fall-outs is to stay in a state of denial. You know that there is a problem but you are continuously avoiding mentioning it.
As a result, it is possible that the bitterness increases even further or you both keep drifting apart even more. When you are not spending enough time together, other commitments creep into the time meant for each other as a couple. Sometimes, it could be even something as harmless as the time you spend watching various programs on Netflix or reading up your Twitter posts. Often you will not even realize that you are avoiding each other, and it can reach dangerous levels.
3. Canceling occasional date with the partner
You do not realize this when at the moment when it is happening. A sudden business meeting or a plan with office colleagues just emerges out of nowhere, and you are unable to wiggle out. You assume that your partner will understand and that it is ok to cancel your date. Perhaps they do too. But be careful. If this is becoming a routine issue, are you missing out on important dates like anniversaries and birthdays too? There are times when it is unavoidable, but the problem is when it becomes a trend.
Though you may not want to mean it that way, it comes across as you do not care, and it does not matter to you how or what the other person goes through at that point in time. Moreover, missing these dates also gradually removes the joy and excitement that goes with spending time together. That also enhances that sense of feeling hurt and the overall sense of betrayal.
As a result, it is always advisable to talk things out and don't allow them to snowball into bigger and more serious problems than what they are at the moment.
4. Professional commitment on holidays
Are you traveling too often on weekends for work? Are you scheduling lunch meets on public holidays? If so, this is surely a sign that you are not spending enough time with your loved ones and giving the relationship significantly less time than it deserves. As a result, your family, fiancée, wife/husband can start feeling slighted even if you do not do this on purpose. It makes them feel less important and also adds to their sense of disappointment quite often.
Moreover, when your office work bothers you on holidays, you also remain preoccupied and are not able to give your undivided attention. That can also lead to differences and conflict and make your loved one crave for attention. In a way, it also makes you relatively cold and unemotional and is one of the easiest ways to figure out a key cause for concern. It could be addressed quite simply by stopping with these activities. Reschedule your meetings and travel plans and create a compatible plan of action that looks at striking a balance.
5. Getting into an argument
How often are you listening to this grievance that you guys are not spending enough time together in a relationship or even the vice-versa, how often are you girls listening to it? Frequent arguments and quarrels are telltale signs of a problem spewing in your relationship.
The pent up grievances against each other often come across as arguments. In this situation, you tend to misunderstand even the smallest of comments from the other person. Slowly but steadily you are moving into the no tolerance zone without even realizing it, and this could be often the beginning of so-called bigger issues that result in a relationship falling apart.
The good news is that the argument is a signal of both a problem and a solution. It also shows that perhaps a resolution is still possible. All you have to do is gather your thoughts together and put your head into it. A solution will surely emerge.
6. Hurling blames at each other
This is yet another sign that tells you that you are not spending enough time in a relationship. Most often we associate irritability and anger with work stress. What we often forget is that stress at home can also lead to this type of stress and create pressure points. The problem is that many of us are not able to vent out our anger and keep internalizing it. Instead of broaching the issue, it keeps getting communicated as blame and anger.
Don't get put-off and disappointed by that. It just means that you have to figure out the triggers that are leading to it. This will, in many ways, help you understand how to handle it. It is possible that your partner is feeling it, and you are triggering it for them. Look within, look deep, and I am sure you will be able to figure out the problem and know how to deal with it comprehensively and constructively.
Conclusion
Therefore, there is no point in complaining to your partner or ignoring complaints about not spending enough time together in a relationship. The important thing is to take action. Couples often avoid a direct confrontation. The primary need at these moments is investing your energy and looking for the root of the problem. It could be something basic like too much work to handle or health issues.
But, a resolution will come through only when we address it. When you talk about it, your partner will also understand that you care, and you get the same message about them. This is the easiest way to mitigate grievances.