When you start dating someone, rushing off to physical intimacy is not going to make it strong. Before you know it, you move in and make a series of hurried decisions that don't end well. Keep in mind that it takes time to know someone and then build a strong relationship with the person you like. Get to know the other person first and set boundaries early on. Taking things slow will help you in seeing how you feel for the other person and how you bond with each other. Only then you can discover mutual interests and enjoy each other's company. And finally, you can decide the right time to be intimate, get engaged, or even get married.
The Right Way to Take Things Slow
If you go ninja on your first date with your boundaries and "taking things slow talk", you will scare the other person. Instead, take your time and try to understand the right time to have such a discussion. It's crucial to understand how to take things slow in a new relationship.
1. Have similar priorities
The first rule of thumb is to look for a partner who has similar goals or priorities as you. This factor decides whether you two are compatible for a long-term relationship or not. For instance, if your partner wants to settle down and have a family one day and you have the same thing in mind, then you have found someone with similar priorities. But if your partner wants to establish their career first and they don't have any plans for a long-term commitment as opposed to your idea of a long-term relationship, then it's not going to work. So, keep these things in mind when you start dating someone to make a better decision regarding your new relationship.
2. Set some boundaries
Setting boundaries is very important if you want to understand how to take a new relationship slowly. Although your first date isn't the right time to set boundaries, don't let things get too far before you even bring up this important discussion. Discussing physical boundaries with your partner will help you recognize the nature of your relationship. If they respect your idea of a slow relationship and stick around, it is more likely that your relationship has a potential for long-term commitment.
3. Master your mind and emotions
Mastering your mind and emotions means that you are able to control your actions. So, whenever your partner asks for a date or wants to be more physical, you are able to have some control over your actions instead of going with the flow. It will help you in slowing down the pace of your relationship. Do remember that if it's a turn off for your partner, then you might not be with the right person.
4. Communicate openly
Be expressive and communicate openly instead of being shy when it comes to physical intimacy. If you want to have a discussion with your partner about how to take things slow, go for it. Tell them what you can do comfortably and what makes you uncomfortable. For instance, kissing does not make you uncomfortable, but the idea of having sex too soon doesn't feel right. Convey it politely to your partner and work through any disagreements. Stand your ground if you have to.
5. Keep it fun and exciting
When you are taking things slow, it doesn't mean that your relationship should be boring. Keep it fun and exciting by trying new things or sharing things that you love. Elissa Gizzo, an associate marriage and family therapist in New York, says, "Taking it slow gives you a chance to get to know one another and see if you have similar interests and enjoy spending time together."
6. Ask some questions
When you are dating someone, try to come up with different topics and ask some interesting questions to know the other person a bit more. You can talk about food, music, their interests, and even ask "what if" questions. For example:
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If you had a chance to travel, where would you like to go and why?
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What would you do if you found that someone left you a huge amount of money?
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What is your idea of success and happiness?
Knowing how to move the conversation forward is a big plus when you are taking things slow.
7. Enjoy your own life
Dating someone doesn't mean that you have to rely only on dating to have a good time. Spend time with friends and family and have your own hobbies. You can accept a date when you want to and refuse if you have other engagements. Your partner will understand that you live a full life even outside of this relationship.
8. Meet friends and family when you are ready
Hold off meeting your partner's friends and family until you are fully sure and ready. You will be able to enjoy the relationship without the added pressure of making it work. Similarly, don't pressure your partner in meeting your friends and family if they don't want to. It is important to respect your partner's boundaries when you expect the same from them.
9. Avoid moving in too soon
Take a step back when you are caught up in emotions and decide to move in. Have your own space and boundaries to see how things go. Moving in after a few months might result in having a relationship where both of you are not satisfied. When things don't work out, you end up getting hurt and regretting your decision later on. Try to talk things through and make it clear whether you are ready for a serious commitment or not.
Make Important Decisions at the Right Time
Deciding the pace of your relationship is very important to avoid getting hurt again and again. Taking things slowly helps you in setting boundaries and exploring the nature of your relationship. Take time to know your partner and enjoy each other's company. But don't get too excited in the heat of a moment so that you don't regret your actions later on. Understanding how you and your partner want to move forward will ultimately build a stronger foundation for the relationship.