At the beginning of a relationship, sex and passion are usually at an all-times high. However, once you've settled down with your partner, there's a chance that you may not be having sex as often.
"I always have to initiate sex. Am I no longer attractive to him?" Has that thought ever occurred to you? If so, don't worry; you're not alone. A lot of women go through this problem as well. Always having to initiate intimacy and the lack of sexual leadership from a man can really lower your self-confidence.
Ever wonder why your boyfriend never initiates sex? Here are some possible reasons why he has stopped trying to have sex with you.
1. He's too stressed
From tension at the workplace to financial struggles, there are a lot of things that can cause someone to stress out. When someone is stressed out, they'd be less likely to be able to think about anything aside from their problem. As a result, their sex drive drops. If your boyfriend has been going through a lot lately, this may be the reason why he won't initiate sex with you.
2. He's self-conscious
When someone doesn't feel confident in their own skin, the last thing they want to do is get naked in front of someone else. We usually associate women with having body image issues. But, men can experience it too. There's a possibility your boyfriend refuses to initiate sex with you because they have low self-esteem.
3. He's afraid of being rejected
Being rejected can put a dent into someone's confidence. Even the most handsome and suave men can experience fear of rejection sometimes. It's possible that your boyfriend is afraid to initiate sex with you because he's not sure how you'll react.
4. He naturally has low sex drive
People have different levels of sex drive. While men are usually stereotyped as sex-hungry creatures, in reality, some just have less desire. It's normal for someone to have naturally low libido. So, don't blame yourself if he doesn't initiate sex with you. There's a possibility that he just doesn't think about sex that often.
5. He's not confident about his sexual prowess
Maybe your boyfriend is afraid he can't please you or measure up to your skills in bed. Maybe he's afraid he can't turn you on. This is normal. Some men experience performance anxiety when it comes to sex. So, they hand over control to you. Don't think he doesn't want to please you, he actually does. He's just afraid of messing up.
6. He needs to be turned on first
Some people find it harder to get in the mood. There may be times when your boyfriend actually wants to have sex with you, but they just can't get into the right mood. So, what happens is he lets you take the reins in bed. By letting you make the first move, he ensures that he gets ample time to get in the mood for the action.
7. The bedroom isn't a love nest
Ambience makes a lot of difference when it comes to intimacy. No one can get turned on in a messy room with glaring lights. Having a stack of work papers on the bedside table and a TV blaring horrible news in the bedroom won't exactly help him get in the mood either. If the bedroom is uncomfortable, he will become less likely to get turned on, let alone initiate sex with you.
8. There's a problem in the relationship
If your partner's interest in sex suddenly drops, there might be something going on in the relationship. Whether you and your boyfriend realize it or not, resentment, boredom, or frustration can take a toll on your sex life. Your boyfriend might sense something is off in the relationship, causing him to avoid sex. So, check the situation and see what's going on.
What You Can Do About It
Tired of initiating intimacy all the time? After figuring out the reasons why your boyfriend never initiates sex with you, you might want to know how you can change the situation. Here are some tips to get your boyfriend to be more active sexually.
1. Make him feel good about himself
If you think he may be feeling self-conscious about his body, make sure to let him know how much you love him. Drop some compliments to let him know that you think he's wonderful and sexy. By making him feel appreciated and desired, you'll help him build his confidence.
2. Be patient
Remember, everyone has different levels of sex drive. If he's not keen on initiating sex, be patient with him. Don't blame or accuse him of not loving you. Be more understanding of his situation as well, especially if he's going through a hard time. Help him relax and de-stress, that way he can feel more comfortable around you.
3. Be honest with him
If this problem is bothering you, don't bottle up your feelings. It will only lead to resentment and frustration. Instead, sit down and have a chat with him. Address your concerns and tell him what you need clearly. Don't just drop hints here and there and expect him to understand. Be honest about your feelings and don't forget to listen to his side of the story as well.
4. Stop keeping score
Don't treat sex as a chore in your to-do list. Stop keeping scores of how often you ask him for sex and vice versa. Relax. Stop pressuring your boyfriend into initiating intimacy and just let things flow naturally.
Takeaway Message
It can be frustrating when your boyfriend never initiates sex when you spend time with him. After all, everyone wants to feel desired in a relationship. We hope this article has helped you understand why you're going through this issue. With some patience, you may be able to coax him to be more active sexually in the relationship. Good luck.