If you've been in a long-term relationship, you know that it's not always rainbows and sunshine. As the relationship grows and the honeymoon phase fades away, disagreements and conflicts may start to appear. While little fights are normal, if you don't solve them, they may breed contempt and resentment.
Resentment is a wave of unspoken anger that can poison happy relationships; it is much worse than day-to-day irritation. If left to fester, it might ruin your relationship. But how can you differentiate it from slight irritation? Read on to find out signs of resentment in marriage.
Signs of Resentment in a Relationship
You shouldn't just look in your partner for signs of bitterness. After all, a relationship involves two people, each with their own feelings and opinions. Sometimes, you must also reflect on your own feelings and see for signs you resent your partner.
Everyone is different and thus, they have different indicators of bitterness towards their partner. But in general, here are 10 different signs of hate and resentment in a relationship.
1. Lack of intimacy and affection
Withholding affection has no place in any healthy relationship. It's a sign that something's not right. Affection and intimacy shouldn't be used as a tool to retaliate toward a romantic partner. If you or your partner has shown less affection recently, be it through verbal affirmations, kissing, hugging, or even sex, then that is a sure sign that one or both of you've been harboring bitterness or have lost attraction toward the other.
2. They no longer appreciate your efforts
Showing appreciation toward your partner is one of the keys to maintaining a loving relationship. It can take many forms, starting from simple words of acknowledgment to being affectionate with your partner. However, if you've noticed that your partner no longer appreciates all the thoughtful things you do for them, they might be harboring resentment toward you and vice versa.
3. Passive-aggressive behavior is more common
Change in behaviors is one of the most jarring signs of resentment in marriage. When someone resents their partner, they usually become passive-aggressive. Instead of voicing out their concerns, they become sarcastic and vengeful. While this may help them release their pent-up frustration, it only confuses and even angers the other partner. In the end, when one of you acts this way, no issues will ever get solved. Instead, it will only add to the problem and resentment.
4. You and your partner argue about everything
Bickering is a common thing in a relationship. It's natural for you to argue with your partner. But once you've noticed that you two have been fighting over every little thing, there is an underlying problem that must be addressed. If you or they are always nitpicking and starting fights, there has to be some kind of bitterness growing in your relationship. After all, it's impossible to under one another's skin 24/7. So, where's all this hostility coming from?
5. Conversations are getting rarer
Communication is a very important aspect of any long-term relationship. Without it, a relationship may be doomed to fail. So, have you been talking to your partner recently? Or have you two been quiet lately? If you've noticed that conversations between the two of you are getting rarer, one must ask the reason why. Is either of you withdrawing from the relationship because of boredom or hate?
6. Your partner makes hurtful comments disguised as "jokes"
Hurtful jokes are often one of the biggest signs of resentment in marriage or a long-term relationship. This is especially true if the "joke" is told in front of others. If you or your partner are making jokes that upset the other intentionally, then there might be hate behind it. You can try to deny the intentions between the joke, but that will not change the fact that your relationship has some pent-up frustration and anger that need to be resolved.
7. They constantly criticize you
Voicing your concerns to your partner is a normal thing. However, if you notice that your usually easy-going partner has become more critical over every little thing you do, they might be hiding resentment toward you. Criticizing inconsequential things is a big sign that your partner is harboring bad feelings toward you or the relationship. If not dealt with immediately, this form of negative communication can eventually break down the years of hard work put into your relationship.
8. Badmouthing is the name of the game
It's common to disapprove something your partner does and maybe voice your concerns about it. But if your partner has been doing so in front of your children, other family members, or their friends, that can mean they are feeling resentful toward you. The same goes for you as well. Badmouthing or embarrassing your partner in front of others is a big no-no. If you start noticing this behavior in your partner or yourself, evaluate the relationship and see if bitterness may be causing this.
9. They no longer make little thoughtful gestures
A resentful partner may stop making small thoughtful gestures they usually do. Does your normally helpful partner suddenly stop wanting to help you with chores? Or do you suddenly don't feel like picking up your partner's favorite snack from the store? If you notice any negative changes in behavior, there may be resentment brewing between you and your partner.
10. Feeling of hopelessness
Sadness and hopelessness are two completely different things. Sadness is a temporary feeling, but when you start feeling hopeless, it can last for a very long time. Despair and hopelessness have no place in a healthy relationship. If you feel like you or your partner have lost hope in the future of the relationship, major resentment and bitterness may be to blame.
Tips to Deal With the Situation
Have you noticed any signs your husband resents you or otherwise? If so, don't worry, your marriage isn't doomed to end. With communication, respect, trust, and a little bit of work, you can minimize the damage and salvage your relationship.
Here are some tips for dealing with resentment in a relationship and how you can strengthen your bond with your partner again.
1. Communicate with your partner
Again, communication is a very important thing in a relationship. So, if you're feeling that resentment may be brewing between the two of you, try confronting your partner. Initiate a conversation calmly and address your concerns. Ask them what you can do to make them happier and listen closely to their response.
2. Re-evaluate why you're together
Try reminding yourselves why you're together. Go back to the beginning and try to remember why you adored them. Make a list of all the things you love about your partner. At the same time, also ask your partner what they love and don't like about you. This exercise should bring the two of you closer together.
3. Do something special together
Bring back the magic to your relationship and rekindle the passion you have for each other. Try planning a small date or do a fun activity together. Maybe you can visit the restaurant you went to on your first date or you can take dancing classes together with your partner. The key is to find an exciting activity that you both are interested in. Doing this can help reconnect the bond that was broken between you and your partner.
4. Apologize and forgive each other
Apologizing and forgiving each other can be a hard thing to do, especially if you've deeply hurt each other. But without forgiveness, your relationship wouldn't be able to improve. To forgive is to move on from the bitterness and hurtful memories. So, open your hearts and forgive each other.
5. Seek professional help
If all tips seem to fail and your relationship isn't improving, there's no shame in seeking professional advice. Consider visiting a qualified couple therapist. Seeking out help from a professional can help you and your partner root out the problems you may be going through. It may even give you a new perspective on your relationship.
Takeaway Message
We sincerely hope that some bumps in the road don't mean that your partner holds bitterness. However, if you've noticed signs your husband resents you or otherwise, then you must act quickly. Resentment and hate have no place in a healthy relationship. The sooner you deal with them, the better you can limit further damage to your relationship or marriage.
Hopefully, our tips can help you repair your connection and rekindle the love between you and your partner. Remember that the keys to a happy and healthy relationship are respect, trust, and communication. Best of luck.